wakey wakey hands off snakey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
