Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
