Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Houston, we have a blender
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
