I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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