I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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