She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
