Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
