I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
