I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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