I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
