how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
