I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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