Ambien. No doubt about it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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