call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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