While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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