You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
