With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
