My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
