Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
