It's Friday. Sex?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
