Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
