We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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