Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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