i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
