maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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