theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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