Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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