I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He shit in the fireplace
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
