Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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