Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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