If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
