I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
