If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
