i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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