It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me too!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
