dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
