I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
