Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
