4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
