but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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