I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
