I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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