one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
