so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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