We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize