Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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