It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
