Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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