did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sacagawea was the original milf.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
