it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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