Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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