I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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