Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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