were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
