this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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