How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
