I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
