I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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