this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
