The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
