Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
