The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
