Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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