no, he came in my armpit
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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