I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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