im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found the puke drawer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
