The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
