Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
