It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
