I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
