I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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