i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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