Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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