think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
