My first STD was from a foam party
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
