pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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