You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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