I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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