You're so nebulous sometimes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
