he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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