She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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