Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
