her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
