saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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